It's me
by robinh
Summary: Based on Episode 07.04. The telephone conversation between Michael and Fi. My understanding of the emotions there. Spoilers alert.


**A/N**: I do not own Burn Notice of its characters. This short fic is based on the telephone conversation between Michael and Fi in episode 07.04. Spoilers are there, please be warned. I couldn't forget the way Michael burned their picture the previous episode, and this is what I think was actually happening between them.

This season is going to be the death of me.

Please tell me what you think.

* * *

It's what he doesn't say that makes all the difference. She's not even surprised. In the long years she had known him, it was always his unspoken words that made her tremble, his hidden emotions, his silent gestures, his lies, that always made such havoc within her soul.

Hearing his voice is so surprising, it catches her off guard. She's vulnerable when he calls. All dressed up for another man, preparing the settings in her new apartment in the most feminine and romantic way she could think of. Her current appearance, and her careful preparation are such a contradiction to the quiet, desperate voice she hears on the other side of the line, she has to fight the wave of dizziness that threatens to knock her off her feet.

"It's me" he says, and with that he is back there with her, capturing her again, caging her in his dark and sad world. The silence that follows is so full of accusation, it scares her.

Maybe this is the reason she never fights back. Not really. Only makes some noncommittal statements, almost pleads him, begging him to take pity on her torn soul.

()()()

It's what he doesn't say that makes her comply at the end. It's the same old fucking routine they had between them for years. He says all the right words, in the right order, and they both know he only repeats exactly what he heard her say to him light years before. He says what he thinks she expects him to deliver, and it's exactly that, but it's already too late.

He's furious. He's desperate. He blames her for abandoning him. She knows him well enough to hear all these under his seemingly leveled tone. She has no way to defend herself, no way to contradict him, because he robs her of this right when he uses this dirty trick on her.

"It's me" he says, but she knows what he means.

It's me, and I'm still alive.

I can call you from the other side of the world if I want to.

_It's me, and you're still fucking mine_.

"I'm sorry" he says, but his tone is still defiant and bitter, and she can feel his pain in every syllable.

I'm sorry, but I did what I had to do, and of all people, you should know it. You should accept it.

_I did it for you_.

She tries to make a case for herself. She really does. But it's so empty, she should have just kept quiet, and spare herself the embarrassment. He knows it too, because he cuts her off even before she really starts.

_"_I know I made a promise, that everything was going to change, and I broke that promise" he says, but his voice is so mechanical, there's no conviction behind it. It's like he reads from a script. A well rehearsed script he made up from her own words. He throws the words at her in a cold, leveled tone, and she recognizes it in a second.

He needs something, and it must be important. He is willing to grovel and make the necessary roll in the dirt if he has to, because he needs _her_ to do it for him. The fact that he lets her know that this is the case, and that her hurt feelings are just another obstacle on his way, makes her feel cheap.

He makes it clear, he is willing to sell his soul to get her to help him. The same way he sold his soul to the CIA. This is probably the most insulting thing he had ever done to her.

()()()

She is so shaken by the disdain dripping from him, all the way from god knows where, she has to sit down and catch her breath for a few moments.

The unspoken violence makes her say yes at the end, and she doesn't even make a fuss about it. Doesn't argue, doesn't fight back.

She stares at the phone long after he disconnects the call, after giving her all the details, still in pure shock of what just happened.

She feels like a traitor. Feels like an ungrateful bitch. She couldn't feel worse if he shouted at her, and told her he hates her, and never looked back.

()()()

It's what he doesn't say that makes all the difference. like it has always been between them. This was the only way he used to say I love you, the only way he said he missed her, or that she made him happy. This is the only way he has, to tell her now, she broke his heart.

She shouldn't be all that shocked, She thinks to herself. She should have known all along that telling her she ruined his life, and thrown him to the dogs would have been that brutal. But she feels her heart clenches inside her chest, and she can't even breathe with the pain caused by his hatred.

()()()

When Carlos arrives all dressed up and ready for their evening together, she still sits motionless on the chair. He kisses her on her neck, and whispers to her that he loves her, and that she's beautiful, and that he's so happy she's his girlfriend. When he says all these sweet nothings, so freely and effortlessly, she finally breaks, and the tears just roll down on her face.

She pulls him to the bed and makes love to him in the most desperate, rough way she can think of.

When it's over, and he turns on his side to sleep, she walks to the bathroom and crushes on the cold floor exhaustingly, with Michael's words still haunting her.

"I'm sorry" he says, and doesn't say "_I kept you out of jail. I'd do it again_."

"I said things would be different" he says, and doesn't say "_but you know who I am_".

"I broke my promise" he says, and doesn't say "_you broke yours_".

()()()

She calls Madeleine first thing in the morning, explaining to her what they have to do.


End file.
